I am confused and distraught, because, although I am considered a leader of Israel, I do not comprehend what is happening. A great prophet, indeed, the Messiah, is dead.

This confusion reminds me of when I first met Jesus face to face. I had investigated the reality of his miracles and came to theologically examine him, to see if he met the test of orthodoxy that would confirm him to be a prophet of God.

When he took me off guard by speaking of a new birth, I was embarrassed and upset. I babbled like an idiot and felt sure that a true prophet would not treat me so.

Only later did I realize that he had done for me exactly what I needed and broken down the pride that kept me from the truth. I thus became one of his followers.

I defended him in the council, some might say too timidly. But I felt that if I could gently turn their minds, the evidence would turn their hearts.

Now evil men have had their way. Yet Jesus forgave them and I can do no less as I wait to see what our great God and Father is going to do next.

John 3, 7, 19

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