Dear Abby & Jeanne,

In your 1/18/02 column (Star Tribune) you repeat your advice to a gay man that he give up the idea of changing his attractions with the off-handed caveat, "Did you choose to be homosexual? If so, you could choose to be 'straight.'" You even demean the goal of changing his behavior and close by writing, "To thine own self be true." What you intend to be affirming actually becomes a counsel of despair.

Even Dr. Robert Spitzer who was instrumental in having homosexuality taken out of the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual as a disorder has now been convinced that real change is possible and countless stories demonstrate that heartache, not true happiness, comes from taking the road our society has marked as safe. See the NARTH website www.narth.com .

You advice seems to you to be perfectly logical because it fits your presuppositions. I wish you were able to lift your eyes and see beyond the search for happiness to the origin and destiny of our lives. Then you would understand not only why you and I and all your correspondents search for meaning and significance, but also that it can never be reached by human solutions.

God Who made us can take even the pain and suffering that results from a fallen and spoiled world and turn it into something beautiful. Some of the most spiritual people I know are those who have turned their struggles over to God and become shining examples of what can happen because of His grace and power.

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